My mom and I visited a lady who has dementia. I did a blog post a while ago about her. And of course, again, I won't actually say her name but only the last letter of her last name because of privacy. :)
Well, for a while, my mom and I have been going on Tuesdays to Mr. and Mrs. M's house to take care of Mrs.M while her husband went out for bible study because Mrs.M might try to get out of the house and walk anywhere or do other things in the house that may be bad. So we usually go to their house, watch her, give her breakfast, and make sure she is occupied with things. Sometimes she can get aggressive with things. But that is part of having dementia. Whenever we go to their house, she usually says random things and sometimes gets aggressive with things, but my mom tries to give her another thing or change the subject so she doesn't get too aggressive! But also, saying things out of the blue is part of dementia, sadly.
Recently, Mr.M had to take Mrs.M to a caretaker place for people who has dementia because it was getting hard for him to take care of her every day. So for about four weeks, she has been at Willow Springs. And he visits her every day. Last Tuesday, we decided to visit her at Willow Springs. It was, I think, around 2:00 PM when we visited her. We visited her around that time because her husband said that was the time she usually walked around. So when we got there, we asked somebody working there where Mrs. M would be at. They started to look, and then a different worker said she just sent her to her room. So we got shown into her room. And there we saw Mrs.M! My mom said, "Hi, it's Renee and Johanna here to visit you." She doesn't know who we really are, but that's because of, again, dementia. We had brought some hymns to sing with her because she liked to sing hymns when we usually bring some. So we started to sing with her for at least an hour, and then we asked her if she wanted to read a kid's bible story that we had brought or would like us to read it to her. She didn't respond. And then we asked her if she wanted to sing more, and she said sure. So we started to sing again. But after two songs, she didn't want to sing anymore.
She said, "It's embarrassing not to remember things." We looked a little surprised at what she had said because she never actually talked much when we watched her. And she also said she knew she had dementia, and it's always hard for her to remember things. Ok, this was super weird! She was telling us that she knew she had dementia! And when you have dementia, you can't really think and can't remember things and say random things that pop up in your head. So for her to say that was amazing! And by the way, this lady was in her 70's! My mom started to ask if she knew her mom since her mom and Mrs.M were close friends a while ago. She said she can't remember. So my mom started to tell her stories of when Mrs.M had her first baby, and she got to watch it. And about her mom. And we even showed her a picture of my mom's mom, Mr. and Mrs.M, and some other friends in a picture together. Mrs.M said they looked familiar to her but can't remember them. My mom said, "That's ok. Do you remember anything of your parents?" Mrs.M said she and her parents had taken her to the beach in a trailer when she was really young once. But that was the only thing she could remember about that. For her to remember something that happened such a long time ago was crazy! It was like almost talking to a person who didn't have dementia! My mom told her that every Tuesday, she and I would go over there super early in the morning to take care of you while Mr.M was at bible study so that if you woke up, she wouldn't have to worry about where was Mr.M. Then she said, I feel so bad for my husband. He has to put up with me. And still, he is with me even when I have dementia. She said she was so glad to have us take care of her and to have a husband like Mr. M.
At that, tears started to come up. I tried forcing them down, but I just wanted to cry. It was so sweet to hear her say that. I wasn't sure if I was the only one crying or not, and then my mom looked at me and said, it's so hard not to cry. My mom asked Mrs.M if there was something she can pray for her about. She said that her memory would return and that her back would stop hurting. So my mom started to pray. And after she prayed, Mrs.M asked my mom if there was anything she could pray for her about. My mom said all her kids would marry, have happy families, and be Christians all their lives. So when Mrs.M started to pray, she asked what her kids' names were. So my mom said to repeat after her, Jonathan, Caleb, Nicholas, Noelle, Gideon, Simeon, Ezra, Johanna, and Sophie. After Mrs.M said everything, she said, I can't remember all those names! It's ok, my mom said, laughing. And she started to pray, and I closed my eyes, and the tears just reappeared again! I could control my tears better if I had kept my eyes open. :) So I did. And for some reason, whenever I looked out the window, I could definitely control my tears! Just looking out the window made me happy. Anyways, enough about tears. ;)
After Mrs.M prayed, we walked to the door and were about to say goodbye when my mom asked her what she would do. Walk around in the hall or try falling asleep. What do you want to do? Mrs.M said that she was afraid to go out into the hall because she might not be able to go back to her room and might go into a different room on accident because she can't remember. So my mom said she would try to help her with that. So we walked into the hall and showed her that a picture of her face would be right outside her room. Then she said, I look so ugly! My mom said no, you don't. So we had her walk to the middle of the living room that was in the place, and then asked her, now, which way would you think your room would be? She went in the right direction. Also, there were like four different directions she could have gone, but she did go in the right direction! We told her before you go into a room, look at the picture next to the room and see if your picture is one of them.
She actually started to go into almost every room without looking at the pictures first! We told her we don't want her to go into a different room by accident! And when she looked at a picture that wasn't hers, she said, that's the ugliest face I have ever seen! My mom and I chuckled to ourselves and then said ok, now is that your picture or not. She said it wasn't and then went to the next door to see the picture. Is this your picture my mom asked. No, she said. And so on until we went to her door and asked if that was her picture. She started to be saying no, but my mom said you sure? Look at it closer. Does it look like you? Then she said it was. So she went into her room. Then my mom said, if you still can't find your room, ask one of the workers here for help. They know where your room is. My mom knew she wouldn't remember that but just said it anyway.
She and I said goodbye, and Mrs.M started to hug me. She actually had never done that before. We would usually hug her, and she would stand there. But this time, she started to hug me. And she even started to smile! And said thank you for your help and for visiting. It was just so sweet! It was like a whole new person! She never smiles, by the way. I know that sounds bad, but she wasn't mean all the time. That was not why she doesn't smile. She just didn't. It was rare to see her smile. She used to before she had dementia and all. So it's just super sweet to see her smile. She even asked me what grade I was in! For her to be talking and smiling and all of that! Man, it was just crazy! I was so glad I was there! Well, we said goodbye to her and headed out the door. We also told her we would return next Tuesday to visit her again! She said she was excited about that!
Thank you for reading my blog post! Leave comments! Bye!